Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Where Do You Get Books?

At the Library.  Not the "Liberry."

"Liberry" makes you sound uneducated and oblivious. Get it straight.

That is all.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Movies and Advertising

It's a known fact.  Nobody likes commercials.  Sure, some can be funny or meaningful, like the ones during the super bowl.  I think I'm pretty safe in saying though, that the majority of people in the world don't like commercials.  I don't like commercials either.

So I'm sure you can understand my aggravation when I see a blatant advertisement for something during a movie.  Sometimes it's subtle, or obviously.  Watch any movie, and at some point you'll see a character with some popular product and comment on how great it is.

And it's not just movies.  I was watching an episode of Psych the other day, and Shawn said to Burton, something along the lines of this (I don't actually remember the product):

"Hey, try this (product).  Are you sure you don't want (product)?  It's delicious.  No, really."

You have got to be kidding me.

Now, while channel surfing, I came across TV Land and an old episode of Dick Van Dyke.  I noticed he was eating crackers out of a box.  What brand?  I don't know, the whole box was gray.  I guess the producers thought they shouldn't advertise in between commercial breaks.  I'm not saying that every box of whatever should be blacked out.  I'm not even saying that movies should have generic or made up names for what the characters eat.

But when I hear someone say, "This (product) is so good," it makes my blood boil, because I'm not paying to sit through an hour and a half feature film commercial.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Children and Scratch Tickets

If your 4 year old daughter comes up to you and says, "Mommy, can we get a scratch ticket," you have failed as a parent*.  Seriously, to hear those words come out of someone who doesn't know all the colors of a rainbow infuriates me.  Some kids know the tickets by name.  Some kids cry when the parents say no (the damage has been done).

Don't buy scratch tickets around your kids.  Don't buy them to "shut them up," because that will make them assume they can get anything by misbehaving.

Learn to be proper parents and smarten up.

(*Does not apply to grandparents, who are supposed to spoil their grandkids.)

Friday, September 3, 2010

I Hate Meteorologists and Earl

So I live in New England, in the "Hurricane Warning Zone" where Earl was supposed to completely decimate all forms of life.  So I thought, "Well, I'd best stock up on food and water."  So I go to my local grocery store where people were swarming to get supplies for this terrible disaster, and I get to the water aisle.  No bottled water was left.  Actually, there was one more 24-pack left, and the store staff was setting up a wrestling cage to determine who would get the last one.

Now, being the alpha-male that I am, I walked through the crowd of people to get to the frozen foods section.  I just wanted one HungryMan meal.  And there was only the crappy Salisbury steak meal.  I wanted the Sports Grille.  But it wasn't just the fact that they were out of HungryMan meals.  They were out or very low on lots of frozen foods.  Which makes me think, "Who's the genius who thought about buying frozen foods with the possibility of the power going out?"  Enjoy your soggy, ruined Lean Cuisine.  Maybe a little salmonella will make it taste better.

So after I returned to the front of the store with my carriage full of nothing, I used my machete to cut through the field of people and get out of the store.  I ended up buying nothing and just went back home.

And here it is, at 10:30 PM EST, and I'm still alive.  I mean, my car got a nice wash and thats it.

This brings me to my next point.  I hate meteorologists.  Why?  Well, besides the fact they are always wrong about everything, I don't understand why they have to report-in from inside the storm.  Next time you see a report about a storm, you'll see some poor schmuck standing in torrential rain, nearly blowing over.  It's like they think we don't believe them when they tell us there's a giant storm out there.

But wait, maybe I should be a meteorologist.  I mean, It's the only job where you get paid to be wrong.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Acai Berry Scam

I knew it.  I knew that one day, I'd see the news headline: "Acai Berry Scam."  Everyday I see commercials and advertisements for the amazing Acai berry.  I  believe everyone's grandparents told you at some point in your life, "If it's too good to be true, it is."  But, apparently millions of people decided to disregard that and give millions of dollars to the multitude of companies selling these bottles of bullshit.

I'll be honest with you.  I've tried some Acai drinks, and they weren't that bad.  But at two servings per bottle and 45 grams of sugar per serving, I nearly went into a diabetic coma.  It was cold, sweet, tart, and I had diarrhea for the rest of the day.  There is no way someone could lose weight by drinking that stuff.  As for the pills and supplements?  Well, if you feel like spending $68 on a bottle of pills, go ahead and tell me how you feel.

This was the original news report.

You've got to be kidding me

You've got to be kidding me.  Aqua Juice?  This has got to be the most ingenious marketing scam I have ever seen.  I wish I could have been in the board-meeting when they created this.  Let me get this straight, 50% juice and 50% water makes for a light, refreshing, delicious thirst-quenching drink?  No, it makes for tasteless watered-down juice.  And it's sold for the same price as 100% juice.  Welch's is selling half the juice for the same price.  And people actually buy this crap.  You could buy 100% juice for the same price, and add water.

Would you buy an AquaCoke? AquaBeer?  Wait, we already have that.  It's called "Lite" beer.